Affairs of the Heart
by randomwriting
Summary: One step forward, two steps back, eventually they'd get where they needed to be. JC


Affairs of the Heart

AN:Slight S6 spoilers. Not part of the _Second Chance_ series.

Disclaimer: CBS, creators, producers, etc., own all recognizable characters, not me; I'm just borrowing them.

Affairs of the Heart

A crisp, stiff breeze assailed Calleigh as she exited her car, sending tendrils of blonde hair streaming across her face. She pushed the tangled locks behind her ear and leaned back into the vehicle, carefully removing the delicately decorated platter off the passenger seat. Shutting the door with her hip, she turned her attention to the platter in her hands, giving it a quick once over. Satisfied it made the journey unscathed, she set off, grateful for once that the closer parking spots were taken, giving her a chance to walk a bit in the afternoon sun.

Slowly Calleigh strolled the sidewalk, looking left and right past one identical townhouse after another, caught up in all things Christmas. Strands of lights adorned rooftops, windows, and all manner of shrubbery. Some homes were already illuminated even though dusk wasn't for a few hours yet. She stopped a moment to take it all in, then directed her eyes towards the line of parked cars to her left.

Spotting the vehicle she was looking for parked in its usual spot, she breathed a sigh of relief. He was home; she'd timed this impromptu visit perfectly. A bit of sleuthing on her part revealed that after several consecutive days of working long into the night, he'd clocked out early today, and she'd timed her own exit accordingly.

Quickening her stride, she made her way up the short walkway, paying little attention to anything but the townhouse in front of her, the one with nary a holiday themed decoration or twinkling light in sight. Cautiously she headed up the steps, ever mindful of the large, beribboned platter in her hands. Standing in front of the door, she rolled her eyes at the lack of even a simple wreath, but its absence really didn't come as any surprise considering the home's lone occupant.

Carefully she maneuvered the platter so that it rested on her hip, freeing up one of her hands. She reached for the bell, but the sudden adrenalin surge of anticipation that swept over her stopped her short. Abruptly she dropped her hand to her side and took a tiny step backwards, struck by the realization that she was nervous, undeniably and unexpectedly nervous.

Gently she chided herself. She'd experienced less inward turmoil staring down the barrel of a gun, surely she could face this encounter with more self-possession than she was currently exhibiting. It had been her decision to come here, she reminded, a decision she intended to stand behind, nervous or not. A flurry of apprehension wasn't enough to shake her resolve.

She took a deep, steadying breath. Armed with recovered confidence, she extended one manicured fingertip and pressed firmly on the bell. Standing stiffly, she listened intently for any signs of life from within. Absently she fingered the gauzy ribbons she'd wrapped around the cellophane covered platter, careful not to dislodge the green sprig nestled in the center for that extra touch of holiday merriment. Moments stretched into minutes, leaving her to wonder if he were asleep or worse, not even home. It had been well over an hour since he'd left work, and even though his car was here, it was no guarantee that he was.

Her ears perked at the faint sounds of movement. As the muffled sounds from behind the door grew closer, another ripple of nervousness slid through her body, and she smiled in spite of it, this time enjoying the oddly pleasurable mix of unease tinged with excitement. Seconds later the door opened in a rush, and Jake was standing in front of her, filling the small space with his lanky frame. Her eyes quickly swept over his barefoot and jeans clad form, lingering a moment on the enticing expanse of chest his unbuttoned shirt revealed before meeting his wide-eyed gaze.

"Calleigh." His voice held a note of unmistakable surprise. He blinked rapidly several times before settling a penetrating gaze on her. Despite his obvious shock at finding her on his doorstep, there was warmth in his brown eyes and the beginning of a smile ruffling his lips.

"Hi," she said brightly, hoping her one word greeting contained more ease than she currently felt. "I wasn't sure if you were home."

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I was in the midst of getting dressed," he explained, hastily fumbling with the buttons of his shirt.

"Are you heading out?" she asked, making a concentrated effort to sound nonchalant.

He stopped buttoning midway and shrugged. "Thinking about it." A smile played on the corners of his lips. "You wanna come in?" he asked with a tilt of his head, stepping aside to make way for her.

She nodded, giving him a small, tentative smile and stepped into the entry, but went no further. "I'm sorry I didn't call first."

"It's okay." He backed up against the open door, crossed his arms in front of his chest and eyed her curiously. "So, what brings you here, Calleigh?"

Keeping a firm grip on the platter and her eyes aligned with his, she let out a self-conscious laugh. "Well, it's Christmas Eve," she answered as if that should be explanation enough for this unexpected visit.

"That is what the calendar tells me," he replied with a hint of amusement.

"And I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas."

"Well, that's very nice of you. And a Merry Christmas to you as well," he offered, inclining his head. He gave her a full smile and she reciprocated, feeling her body finally relax.

"I brought you something," she said, holding the red and silver beribboned platter out for his inspection.

"Very festive," he chuckled, casting a slightly bemused gaze on the decorated platter.

Rolling her eyes at his puzzled expression, she shook her head and laughed lightly. "They're Christmas cookies, they're supposed to look festive." Hearing the word cookies, his eyes lit up.

Leaning over the platter she held out to him, he pushed aside a cascade of ribbons to peer at the contents hidden beneath the cellophane. "I can see that now, sort of. I wondered what was beneath all that fancy stuff."

"Well, you know what they say, presentation is everything," she said jauntily, tilting her head to the side.

"Do they now?" His eyes skimmed over her. "And it's a very nice presentation," he said, fixing an appreciative gaze pointedly on her. "Thank you, they look very appealing."

Her cheeks flushed under the intensity of his gaze. "Maybe you should wait until you've tried them."

"Oh, I remember your cookies very well, and I've no doubt these taste as good as they look." The seductive quality to his voice was having a dizzying effect on her. "Do you want to come all the way in," he paused, "or are you heading out somewhere?" It was the same question she'd asked him moments earlier and delivered just as nonchalantly.

"Uh, no, I'm not," she answered with a small smile and took a step forward. Tipping his head towards the interior, he made a sweeping motion with his hand, all the while keeping his eyes on her. Without waiting to be directed, she started for the kitchen. "I'll just bring these to the kitchen," she offered as he trailed behind her.

Once in the room, she placed the platter on the counter and gave the room a quick perusal. It was strangely comforting to see that little had changed since her last visit weeks earlier. Several days' worth of mail sat in a neat pile on one end of the countertop along with folded sections of the newspaper, undoubtedly the sports sections. Used coffee mugs littered the sink; he'd wait until he got the last clean one before he'd break down and wash them. And just as she expected, a box of cereal took up space at the opposite end of the countertop. She smiled to herself remembering his quirky habit of never storing the cereal in the cupboard, a habit he'd continued at her house as well. _I don't want to have to hunt for it when I'm in a hurry in the morning, _was his convenient explanation.

"It's pretty warm in here," he said, pulling her out of her reverie. "I think the thermostat's on the fritz. You might want to take your coat off."

"Mm, it is," she replied, shrugging her leather jacket off her shoulders.

He was behind her in an instant, standing so close she could feel the heat from his body seep into hers. "Let me help you with that," he offered, gently slipping the sleeves down her arms. His warm breath tickled the back of her neck, sending a familiar shiver of awareness through her. She closed her eyes, lost in the sensation, but just as quickly as he appeared, he moved away, taking her coat with him. Yet the effects of his nearness lingered. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, willing her body to calm.

Pulling a chair away from the table, he hung her jacket on the back of it and motioned to the seat with his hand. "You wanna sit? Or maybe go in the other room?" He jerked his head towards the opening between the kitchen and living room.

She did a bit of quick thinking. This wasn't the time to be sitting anywhere close to him, not the way he made her senses spin, and not if she intended to keep a clear head. "Uh, no, I'm fine," she answered briskly.

"Okay." With a resigned shrug, he stepped away from the small dinette set and settled himself against the counter while she remained where she was in the center of the room. Leaning back with both thumbs hooked into his pockets, he kicked up one leg and crossed it in front of the other. He looked at her expectantly as if waiting for what came next.

She took her cue and proceeded with the easiest and safest route into conversation. "How have you been?" she asked with an interested smile.

Frowning, he considered her question for several seconds. "Been fine. You see me most days, don't you?" The slight edge to his voice threw her.

"Well, yes, I suppose that's true, but I haven't seen very much of you lately," she responded, keeping her tone friendly.

He gave her an indifferent shrug. "We pull different cases, you know how that goes."

Nodding, she agreed. "True. We have had a rather busy spurt since Thanksgiving. Everyone's been going in a dozen different directions. But it's been quiet the past few days for a change. Maybe even the criminal element has been busy preparing for the holidays." She gave a small laugh hoping to lighten the tension she was detecting, only to receive another disinterested shrug.

"Maybe so," he said, looking past her. He wasn't offering much in the way of conversation, but could she honestly expect anything more from him when it had been her abrupt change of heart that had brought them to this awkward juncture in the first place?

"What have you been up to?" she asked, gesturing with her hands, then dropping them back to her side.

A single eyebrow rose, and he eyed her curiously. "Been working mostly." Again he'd added almost nothing to what little she'd gleaned from him the last few times they'd worked together. She had no idea how he'd been spending what little free time he had away from work, and the not knowing was more unsettling than she cared to admit. Reclining against the counter, he withdrew his thumbs from his pockets and loosely folded his arms across his chest. Dropping his head slightly, he looked to the floor for a few moments before leveling his eyes back on her.

The silence lengthened between them, adding to her unease. Shifting her weight, she idly smoothed down the fabric of her blouse while she gathered her thoughts. She was determined to get a fix on him despite how difficult he was making it. He'd seemed genuinely happy to see her just a few moments ago, yet now all she detected was indifference. Flashing him a smile, she tried again, wondering just how long she could continue this stilted one-way conversation. "Do you have plans for the holidays?" her voice rose an octave with the question in spite of her efforts to keep her tone neutral.

"Nothing specific," he answered off-handedly, not bothering to look up. "You?"

She gave her head a quick shake. "Nothing definite. I'm just happy I've got the day off. Unfortunately it's right back to work the next day," she added with a shrug.

"Mm, same here. One day is not a vacation, which I could certainly do with right about now, but I'll take the day, it's better than nothing," he said grudgingly. Looking to his feet, he exhaled loudly and raked his hand through his hair.

_Vacation._ Just the word conjured up exquisite memories of powdery, white sand, aqua blue water, moonlit strolls…and Jake. Memories, it turned out, that were never far from reach, especially lately. Calleigh turned to face the window and smiled wistfully, allowing her mind to wander back to Antigua for the tiniest moment. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, instantly transported to a secluded patch of sand by the water's edge as the sun was beginning to dip low in the horizon, painting the sky in a wash of brilliant, tropical colors. But it wasn't the recollection of the sky's brilliance that caused her body to shudder and her pulse to quicken, it was the remembered sensation of oil-slicked fingertips slowly and sensually trailing along smooth, firm skin. Warmth spread through her body and crept along her cheeks. Abruptly she pulled herself out of her intoxicating daydream, suddenly remembering she wasn't alone in the room. Hugging her arms tightly across her chest, she forced herself to settle down. With a resigned sigh, she pushed memories of beaches and coconut oil aside, and turned her attention back to the present.

She took a few steps closer to the window, grateful for the chance to move and clear her head. Jake's eyes were boring holes into her, but she kept her focus on the window, not yet ready to face him. "I can see a lot of your neighbors have gone all out with the holiday decorating." She spoke eagerly with exaggerated interest. "They've got their twinkling lights on while the sun's still shining." She laughed to herself. He mumbled a response, but she couldn't quite make it out and didn't bother asking him to repeat it. Instead she continued prattling about holiday decorating. "I love seeing the candles in every window. They look so pretty at night." She glanced in his direction, careful to keep her eyes from straying to his chest, which was still on partial display since he'd neglected to finish buttoning his shirt. Too many vivid memories were still too close to the surface for her comfort. "I was disappointed not to see your house decked out in holiday finery."

"You've got to be kidding," he snorted. Amusement flickered in his eyes. "Calleigh, I think you know me a little better than that."

"Not even a simple wreath on the door?" she teased.

His face scrunched and he cocked his head to the side. "Now why would I want a wreath on my door?" he asked as if the answer should be obvious.

She rolled her eyes at him and laughed. "Because they're pretty and they're inviting."

"Well, I don't have a wreath on the door and you still showed up," he smirked, giving her a wink.

"True," she said, lowering her lids and biting back her widening smile.

He tilted his head to the counter. "Besides, I've got your cookies and they look pretty festive." Reclining against the countertop, he placed his palms flat on either side of him and looked at her long and hard as if sizing her up. "Calleigh, was there more to this visit than just bringing me cookies?"

His frank question caught her off-guard. Stiffening slightly, she hesitated before answering, needing a moment to collect her thoughts. She'd carefully worked out everything she'd planned to say to him, but the conversation that took place in her head didn't include Jake standing just a few feet away with his shirt open, regarding her with a speculative gaze, and the slightest twitch of a smile on his lips. And now, just as then, she didn't know with any certainty how he'd respond to the idea of rekindling their relationship. After closing the door on him with the swiftness and strength of a gale force wind, she had more than enough reason to be doubtful, but reason was no match for blind faith. Girding herself with resolve, she waved away her hesitancy. The words, however, didn't slip off her tongue easily.

"Well…I was hoping we could talk, really talk," she began, meeting his steady gaze head on. "We haven't…not in some time, anyway."

"What do you mean?" he interrupted. His brows drew together and his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "We talk. We talk every time we work together." There was a distinct challenge in his voice. "And our work performance has never suffered." He shot her a twisted smile.

She caught her breath at his quick change in demeanor and couldn't help but wonder just what it meant. He'd been fine, albeit slightly indifferent, before she told him the reason behind this visit. Clearly she'd struck a nerve. "I know that," she answered softly, hoping to stem his rising defensiveness. "That's not what I meant. We _are_ fine at work," she emphasized. He was right; they were fine. Their falling out had never impinged on their work performance just as he'd assured her that it wouldn't. They worked together like a finely tuned machine, her with a frozen smile pasted on her lips, and him with an air of professional detachment. She'd chosen to ignore the occasional thinly veiled, sarcastic jab lobbed in her direction, and they both skillfully sidestepped the persistent tension that stretched between them. Never behaving less than professional, their work never suffered. She threw up her hands and gave in to a frustrated sigh. "Work's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Then what's on your mind, Calleigh?" he asked, his dark, questioning eyes intent on hers.

"Us." One word, two letters, and judging by his expression, it was a word he could no longer define. She went on. "You and I, and what happened between us, that's what I hoped we could talk about." Her voice faded to stillness.

"Didn't know there was anything to talk about," he replied in a slightly mocking tone. He turned his face away, but not before she caught the flash of hurt in his eyes. "I think we both know what happened between us and why." He briefly shifted his gaze back to her before looking away again. "You made that very clear." His biting comment stung, but she knew it wasn't undeserved.

"I know," she said, nodding slightly. It was her turn to look away. She dropped her chin, lowering her eyes. Her hands clenched stiffly at her sides, a sign of her growing unease. "I handled things badly. I regret that." Pausing a moment, she breathed in the welcoming silence. She raised her eyes to find him watching her. Again she tried to get a fix on him, but he was too intent on her. "I'm sorry, Jake, truly sorry," she said with quiet emphasis.

"You don't have to apologize, Calleigh." His voice and expression softened with affection. "I expect I got what I deserved." He turned away, shaking his head. "I screwed things up between us." Straightening his shoulders, he moved away from the counter and veered around to face her. Sighing deeply, he rubbed at his brow. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. And I am sorry, Calleigh," he said in a low voice. Catching her eyes, he held them briefly before shifting his gaze to a point past her. "I did try to talk to you. I tried to explain," he started.

She jumped in, finishing for him. "I didn't want to hear what you had to say." She took two tentative steps towards him, but stopped herself from going further.

Shaking his head, he looked to the floor. "No, you shouldn't have had to." He drew in a sharp breath and rubbed at his brow. "There was no good explanation." Stepping backwards, he propped himself against the counter, arms and legs crossed in front of him, and dropped his head. "I never should have lied to you." His last words were mumbled, but she had no difficulty making them out.

"You're right. There wasn't and you shouldn't have," she said matter-of-factly. He raised his chin, briefly meeting her eyes. His brows drew downwards and his jaw was clenched. "But Jake, you weren't the only one who made mistakes. I made mistakes, too," she said, flinging her arms out before crossing them tightly in front of her chest. "I said a lot things I shouldn't have." Regret sounded in her voice and played across her face.

He swung his head to the side. Her eyes were riveted on the tiny muscle in his cheek that flexed involuntarily, a visible sign of his discomfort. "You had your reasons," he said plainly.

"No, I didn't," she said in a much firmer tone. Her pain didn't justify the hurt she'd inflicted on him. He jerked his head back around and eyed her critically. "I wasn't fair to you…or to us." There was that word again, and the same uncertain expression crossed his features. Her mind drifted back to the past few weeks and she sighed quietly. She lacked the words to be able to tell him just how tied in knots she'd been.

He straightened again and drew a sharp breath, letting it out slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did. "I let you down, Calleigh." His eyes shifted back and forth before settling back on her.

"We let each other down." The words hung in the air between them, a statement neither could refute. The two stared wordlessly and after several long seconds, she continued. "I never really gave us a chance to talk things out, to try to work things through. I am sorry for that." An acute sense of loss washed over her. She'd walked away, no looking back and no second-guessing. It was what she'd needed to do at the time, but it hadn't been easy. Determined to protect her heart from future, certain hurt, she'd walked away with conviction, but thinking with her head, she'd failed to listen to the heart she was trying to protect. The harder she tried to ignore the truth, the more it persisted, chipping away little by little until her shield of certainty crumbled, exposing a hollow she'd never anticipated. What she wanted had been hers, but she'd cast him aside without reservation, and now she could only wonder if her realization had come too late. Had they finally run out of chances? "Jake, I," she began haltingly, only to hear his voice break through hers.

"It's okay, Calleigh." He gave her a look so tender she thought her heart might break, except it already had.

She closed her mouth over the words she hadn't said and nodded woodenly. Jake's lips curved into a smile she tried to match. The unasked question still hovered on her lips, but the moment had passed. _Their _moment had passed. Shifting her focus beyond him, she hoped her disappointment didn't show on her face. Idly she brushed away strands of hair and tucked the question away. Backtracking, she smiled smoothly, betraying nothing of her disappointment. "I'm glad we had a chance to talk," she said, keeping the emotion out of her voice.

"So am I." He squinted at her with a perplexed expression, looking as if he were trying to fit a puzzle together in his head.

She brushed his odd look aside and went on. "And I'm glad I got a chance to wish you a Merry Christmas. And to drop the cookies off," she added quickly.

"It was very nice of you to think of me." Standing up straight, he turned around to face the counter he'd been propped against. "Your cookies been tempting me ever since you got here," he said, poking at the ribbons.

"Well, Jake, if you want a cookie, help yourself," she said lightly, grateful for the change of subject. "You certainly don't need permission." She made her way to where he was standing, squinting at the platter and still fiddling with the ribbons. "Do you need a hand getting that wrapping off?" she asked, sidling up to him.

"Nah, think I can manage." Deftly he slid the ribbons off in one gauzy jumble and peeled back the cellophane. He looked up from the cookies with a glint of wonder in his eyes. "You made the iced ones, the ones with all the sprinkles. I love those." His unabashed delight brought an easy smile to her face. She watched with satisfaction as he dug into the cookies with enthusiasm. Catching her eye, he grinned. "You remembered," he said, sounding genuinely and pleasantly surprised.

"I did," she responded, returning his grin. "Extra sprinkles, too. You should've seen my kitchen, sprinkles everywhere." She couldn't have forgotten his love of her cookies if she'd tried. She'd made them for him their Christmas together, back in their Academy days. Her smile turned wistful. There was little about Jake that hadn't been permanently burned into her mind; he'd been leaving his imprint since the first day he'd flashed her his charming smile. And the ensuing years had done little to tarnish memories or diminish long-standing feelings.

"Well, I thank you for that," he replied, tipping his head to her. He popped one in his mouth and finished it off in two bites, barely swallowing before grabbing another. "Cal, these taste amazing, same as I remember. You want one?" he asked, holding out a green frosted cookie in the shape of a Christmas tree.

Waving the cookie away, she laughed effortlessly. "No thanks. I ate all the broken and burned ones. I think I've had my fill of cookies for the season."

"Not me. These might last me a day. Maybe."

Shaking her head at him, she laughed again. "Well, fortunately for you, I have more at home."

"Yeah? That's good to know." Cocking his head to the side, he flashed the charming smile she knew so well. "You sure I can't tempt you?" he asked, capturing her eyes in his. He moved in closer, leaving negligible space between them.

"What?" she asked, suddenly overcome by the closeness of his body and the intensity of his gaze.

He brandished a cookie in front of her. "I'm willing to share," he said playfully. "Doesn't seem fair for me to be the only one enjoying them, especially since you went to so much trouble for me."

"No, I'm fine, thanks," she said, slightly flustered. Averting her eyes from his, she took a step backwards, needing to put some distance between them. She took in a quick breath, too much was closing in on her at once making it hard to breathe. There were too many unbidden emotions and memories flooding her senses and most of all, too much Jake, who was dizzying her with his nearness. "I'm glad you're enjoying them," she said hastily. Her eyes darted around the room as she mulled over her options for making a graceful exit.

"Are you going to be taking this?"

His voice pulled her back and she glanced up at him, blinking in confusion. "What?"

His mouth quirked with humor. He took a step away from the counter he'd been leaning against and held up the beribboned holiday sprig for her inspection. "Are you taking this home with you?"

"Oh. Uh, no," she said, with an automatic shake of her head and a flick of her hand. "It's not anything I want back. You can keep it."

"Well, what am I supposed to do with it?" he asked, sounding bewildered.

Drawing in a quick breath, she blew out her disbelief that they were even having this conversation and tossed up her hands. "I don't know, Jake, you can either reuse it since it's still in one piece or you can throw it away. I don't suppose it really matters."

His brow wrinkled and he made a face. "Can't say I'd ever use it, but it seems too nice to throw away," he said, playing with the ribbons and greenery in his hands.

"Then I'm sure you'll think of something," she said dismissively. Swerving around, she spied her jacket where he'd left it on the chair back. Making a move for it would make her intentions clear, thus solving her graceful exit dilemma. Feeling his eyes burning into her, she abruptly turned back around to find him studying her thoughtfully.

"You thinking about heading out?"

Ever the good detective that he was, Jake was one step ahead of her. She nodded, absently fingering her hair. "Yeah, I think so," she said, giving him a faint smile. Casting her eyes downward, she quietly exhaled. "It was nice to see you outside of work for a change." She raised her eyes to find him stepping towards her, closing the gap between them in a matter of moments.

"It was. It's always good to see you," he said softly, holding her eyes in an adoring gaze. "You sure you want to get going?"

It was a loaded question and one to which she had no clear answer. She wanted to leave and she wanted to stay. Reluctant to choose, she hedged her answer. "I don't want to keep you from whatever you've got planned."

His lips curved upwards in a satisfied smile as if this was exactly the answer he'd expected. "I'm good. You don't have to rush off on my account." Gently he raised his hand to her face, brushing a wisp of hair off her cheek. His fingers lingered a moment, then lightly trailed along her jaw and down her neck. He rested his hand on top of her shoulder and tenderly stroked her neck with his thumb. "I just wondered if maybe you still had something on your mind, something you haven't yet said." His eyes melted into hers and he offered her a look of encouragement. "Whatever it is, I wish you'd tell me."

It took her a moment to gather her wits. Hypnotized by his warm, gentle touch, she'd lost her ability to think rationally. She took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. The unasked question still lingered on her lips; she needed only to find her voice. Keeping her eyes steady on his, she gave a small nod. She felt a flicker of apprehension, but pushed it away; she was determined not to let _this_ moment pass. "If it isn't too late for us," she began, choosing her words carefully. "I was wondering if maybe we could try again."

He cocked his head to the side as he considered her words. A smile twitched on his lips and eased into his eyes. "Maybe so."

A slow, tentative smile crossed her lips. "Okay," she breathed, exhaling her apprehension in a long, steady breath.

His mouth curved upwards and his eyes took on a mischievous glint. Keeping one hand atop her shoulder, he waved his other hand in front of her face. "I figured out what to do with it," he said, flashing the green sprig he'd removed from the jumble of ribbons when she hadn't been paying attention. "Think I'll slip it right here." He tucked the small sprig behind her ear before she could react. Stepping backwards, he admired his handiwork. "I like it," he said with a self-satisfied smile. "Looks nice."

There was an itchy clump of berried greenery jutting out from atop her ear and Jake was thoroughly amused. "This isn't exactly what I had in mind." She placed her hands on her hips and fixed a look of annoyance on him, one that he promptly ignored.

"Oh, no?" he snickered. "It works for me. Keeps it right where I can see it." He dipped his head, bringing his face up to hers and slipped his hand behind her neck, gently drawing her closer. His lips hovered above hers, tantalizingly close, kindling weeks of suppressed desire. "But you do want me to kiss you, don't you?" Her body reacted instinctively. She tilted her chin upwards, parted her lips, and closed her eyes; nothing existed in this moment except she and Jake. "Thought so," he murmured before covering her mouth with his. His lips caressed hers, softly, sensually, and ever so slowly. Filled with desire, needing even more contact, she looped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer and he responded by deepening the kiss. She returned his kiss with equal passion, savoring the sweet, familiar taste of Jake mixed with sugar cookies. He wrapped his arm around her waist and clasped her tightly. They remained locked together as long as possible, pulling apart reluctantly only when the need to breathe became overwhelming.

She watched his eyes slowly open and zero in on hers. "That maybe answer your question?" he asked, giving her a tender smile.

With a nod she returned his smile, feeling a pang of affection for him so strong it hurt. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Calleigh, and I am sorry, so sorry, for everything." His voice was raspy and thick with emotion.

She pressed a finger to his lips; regret was part of the past, it was time now to look to the present, and this moment was for reconnecting. "I am, too, Jake, but we can get past that." She smiled. They would, if not this time, then sometime down the road. One step forward, two steps back, eventually they'd get where they needed to be. She believed that now with a faith she never thought she was capable of. He kissed her finger gently before she pulled it away, replacing it with her lips. One sweet taste had merely whetted her appetite, and his as well, judging by the way his lips hungered for hers. She kept her lips on his until the need for oxygen was too great to ignore and only then did she pull away.

He cupped her cheek in his hand, stroking gently with his thumb, and locked his eyes with hers. "You know, I wasn't expecting to find you on my doorstep today, and certainly not bringing me mistletoe," he snickered. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to protest, but quickly thought better of it. He'd never believe it was simply a holiday decoration meant to dress up a plate of cookies, the knowing glint in his eyes was proof enough of that. "Calleigh, I may not always be able to figure you out, but I do recognize mistletoe when I see it. You should've just waved it in front of my face when I answered the door. I would've kissed you right then and we could've saved ourselves all that awkward conversation." His expression was one of incredulity as he shook his head at her. She bit down on her lip, attempting to hide her sheepish smile. He'd never believe it was anything other than intentional on her part, and she honestly couldn't be certain he'd be wrong. "Where'd it go anyway?" he asked, running his fingers through her hair.

"Slipped out when you kissed me, I guess. But I don't think we'll be needing it any longer, do you?" she drawled softly.

He moved his hand to her chin and gently tilted it upwards. "No, I would guess not," he smirked before pressing a light, teasing kiss against her lips. "Still, you did surprise me. I thought you might come round eventually, but I will admit to having a couple doubts."

"Only a couple?" she teased.

"Well, you did give me enough reason for those."

"But you thought you were far too irresistible for me to stay away for any length of time?" she coyly asked, looking at him from under finely arched brows.

"Now I didn't say that," he said, looking mildly put out. His expression elicited a giggle she couldn't suppress. "You may find that amusing, but you _are_ here, so what does that tell you?" Any of the several retorts that immediately sprang to her mind were silenced before she could ever open her mouth by a surprisingly soft and gentle kiss that caused a fluttering in her chest. The kiss ended far too quickly for her liking and she whimpered her displeasure. Hearing her protest, Jake smiled against her lips before pulling away. "See? I happen to know that you like the way I distract you."

Her eyelids fluttered open, and she was met with a self-satisfied grin. She rolled her eyes and then fixed him with what she hoped was a disapproving look, a look she was having difficulty pulling off while his hands were roaming up and down her sides, distracting her. "Maybe so, but you also have an exasperating way of driving me to distraction, so I don't think I'd be getting too full of myself, Berkeley," she huffed, pointing a finger in his chest.

He laughed. "Oh, I can just as easily say the same thing, Duquesne, which I suppose makes us quite a pair."

She gave up trying to keep a straight face and laughed along with him. "Well, I don't know if that's a good thing or not." Her expression grew thoughtful. "But I did hope we weren't quite finished with each other."

"That does seem to be the way it is with us," he answered with a bemused shake of his head. "Although I'm not quite sure why."

"Guess we haven't yet figured out an ending we like." She smiled hopefully.

"Guess not," he answered, returning her smile. Grabbing her hand, he tugged her back to the counter and leaned against the hard surface. He twisted her around so that her back was against his chest, and pulled her close. She relaxed, feeling the rise and fall of his chest behind her and sighed contentedly. There was no place she'd rather be than right here, right now than with Jake. And knowing Jake, it would only be a matter of moments before his hand found its way back into the cookies. She smiled to herself when she felt his movements behind her and heard the distinct sounds of crunching. "What makes you think this time is going to be any different, Cal?" he asked between bites.

Languidly trailing her fingers along his forearm, the serious tone in his voice momentarily stopped her movements. She twisted slightly to better see him. "Well, I don't," she answered honestly. His brow lifted and he looked at her dubiously. "Let's face it, Jake, we have a few things we need to work through," she began, keeping her tone purposely light. "And a few things we both need to work on."

"I suppose," he muttered with an audible sigh.

"We need to do a better job of talking to each other, of saying what's on our minds."

"And listening," he said pointedly.

She felt an inward cringe. "I do listen," she said with a touch of defensiveness. She drew in a breath before continuing. "Although admittedly, I sometimes don't always want to hear what you have to say." His hasty mumbled agreement put her on the defense. "But sometimes there's a reason for that." He tensed behind her; she'd hit a sore spot. Twisting in his arms, she turned to fully face him and brought her hand to his bristled cheek. "But I wouldn't be here if I didn't think you and I weren't worth the effort."

The doubtful expression she saw in his eyes clued her in to what was coming before he'd even opened his mouth. "Are you really sure, Calleigh?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation. She met his eyes confidently, hoping to quell whatever uncertainty he was still holding onto.

"Yeah?" Traces of lingering doubt remained, she could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes, and it surprised her, although it shouldn't have because she knew him well enough to know that even though he'd never show it outright, he'd been hurt. "Because you were awfully certain that this _wasn't_ what you wanted." His carefully placed emphasis caused twinges of guilt to poke their way to the surface.

Slipping her arms around his waist, she tilted her head upwards and looked deep into his eyes. "You're right, I was or at least I thought I was." She paused, sorting the words in her head. "There were things I needed to figure out, not just about us, but about me, and what I wanted." Hesitating, she briefly lowered her gaze and bit down on her lip. It was difficult giving a voice to her feelings, each word exposed a vulnerability she preferred keeping well hidden. She wasn't always good with words, not the way she was when science was involved and not feelings, but she looked back up, finding his gaze as comforting as a caress and pressed on, hoping to alleviate his doubt just as she'd alleviated her own. "I did a lot of thinking," she began, haltingly at first, "and I realized that if you are fortunate enough to find the one person who opens your heart all the way, you've found someone worth hanging onto. There are more reasons to stay than to walk away." She paused again, still feeling the twinges of guilt and regret. She'd walked away, only to discover that a heart once opened never completely closed. The loss left only an empty space and nothing filled that cold void in quite the same way. "I walked away…" Her voice trailed, leaving the thought unfinished. What more could she say? She looked away because he didn't, but he slipped his hand under her chin, turning her towards him.

Lifting her chin slightly, he searched her upturned face and smiled tenderly. Dipping his head, he whispered against her lips, "But you're here now."

After weeks of endless introspection, where every niggling of a thought, every turn of emotion meant something new or nothing at all, she'd found her way back. The sheer possibilities of hidden meanings had turned her inside out as she'd attempted to find the logic in each, logic that had no place in affairs of the heart. Once she stopped thinking with her head, there was only her heart to listen to. And now they had a place to start. Maybe with a bit of work and a heap of patience, they wouldn't trip themselves up this time.

They shared a smile as intimate as a kiss. "I'm here."

"And I will try to give you enough reason to stick around, because Calleigh," he paused and shook his head at her, "there is no one who gets under my skin quite the way you do."

Tilting her head to the side, she searched his face and frowned. "Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Well, yeah."

She took a small step backwards and peered at him through narrowed, skeptical eyes. "That I'm an irritant?"

"That's not exactly what I said," he answered barely able to keep the laughter out of his voice.

"Well, that's certainly what it sounded like," she said crossly. "I should think you could do better than that."

Looping his arm around her waist, he pulled her back against him. "I can," he reassured smugly. With his free hand, he traced his finger across her lips. "Yours is the only smile that matters to me, the only one I want to see when I close my eyes, and preferably the one I see when I wake up in the morning." He paused, a smile curving his lips. "That is when you're not slipping out of bed for reasons of mystery." She gave in to the smile she'd been holding back and folded her arms back around him. "And I missed that smile," he said, gazing at her with affection.

"Well, that was very sweet." She drawled the words, her honey coated accent southern accent noticeably thicker. "Hope it didn't require too much effort," she teased

He shook his head, looking very pleased with himself for a moment before his expression grew serious. "Calleigh, you know you are the only one I want." Lowering his head to hers, he kissed her persuasively, lingering on her lips, before moving his mouth to the hollow of her neck and then kissing his way back to her lips for one more sweet caress. "Well, beautiful, you really didn't leave me much time to get my shopping done," he quipped when he broke the kiss.

"What shopping?" she asked, slightly dazed from the feel of his lips.

"My Christmas shopping," came his matter-of-fact reply.

"Jake, you don't have to do any Christmas shopping for me."

"Yeah, I do. There's nothing under your tree from me, and I know you have a tree, don't you?" he asked playfully.

"Well, yes, I do, but seriously, Jake, you don't have to go shopping," she insisted. Hoping to distract him from his absurd plan to hit the mall, she slipped her hands around his neck. She wove her fingers through his hair, hair that was meant to be touched, relishing the feel of the silky strands between her fingers. "Staying in is a much better idea."

"It'll be quick and easy," he reassured with a toss of his head. She rolled her eyes at the notion that Jake thought the mall would be quick and easy on Christmas Eve, which showed just how little time he spent shopping during the holidays. "I happen to remember everything on your list," he answered complacently.

"What list? I never gave you any list."

"All those times you thought I wasn't paying attention, I was. Plus there's everything you outright told me you wanted." He laughed to himself. "C'mon, it'll be fun." He scrunched his face and fixed a probing gaze on her. "And since when do you turn down a chance to go shopping? Or get presents?"

She moved her hands to his chest and slipped them inside his open shirt, something she'd wanted to do since he'd answered the door. "Maybe there's something else I'd rather be doing," she whispered provocatively, slowly trailing her fingers along the hard-muscled surface. She looked up, meeting his grin. "It is Christmas Eve, after all." His low, throaty chuckle so close to her ear sent a ripple of excitement through her.

"Trust me, there's plenty of time for something else." He chuckled again and grabbed her hands. "We've got all night and I intend to use my time very wisely." He gave her pouted lips a quick kiss.

She tried again. "There's nothing I need. And there was only one thing I really wanted," she paused for effect and eyed him coolly. "So I took matters into my own hands and got it."

His brows drew downward and he looked at her questioningly. "Yeah, what was that?"

She could see the wheels turning and pictured him running down this imagined list in his head, wondering what to cross off. Leaning into him, she tilted her face towards to his and softly covered his mouth with hers.

There was only one answer and one way to deliver it; he'd figure it out.

The end


End file.
